Five ways the Flames can beat the Hawks

If you feel like the last time the Flames beat the Chicago Blackhawks was sometime around 1999, you are probably correct. Obviously the club's strategies over the years simply haven't been working. That's why its time for change. I am taking the theoretical reigns of head coach and the following changes are proposed in order to one thing: beat the Blackhawks.

NUMBER ONE

Hire this guy to be visiting room equipment manager.


NUMBER TWO
Send the team to have a spooky sleepover in the forests of Kananaskis as a part of team building. Just as they are about to have pillow fights, Duncan Kieth hears a sound. Going to check it out, he runs into none other than...

One by one the Hawks get picked off by Jason, leaving them unable to field a full team, forcing them to surrender.

NUMBER THREE

Have a Korn concert the day of the game.
As soon as Korn comes to town, along with them will surely come pirate ghosts who will either pillage the lives of the Blackhawks, or at the very least scare them off. They'll never have to know that it was Priest Maxi all along.

NUMBER FOUR

Post a fake ad on Craigslist personals on behalf of Huet and Niemi saying that they are male seeking male and put a meeting time and place as oh say 6:00pm outside the visitor's entrance to the Saddledome. One of three things happens in this case: they take down one of the guys, leaving them exhausted for the game. Or the guys don't let them in and give them a lecture about how the internet is not a toy. Otherwise, this would rattle their cages so bad that they might give up eight goals in one game. The only way that wouldn't work is if the other team scored nine.......

NUMBER FIVE

Buy World of Warcraft accounts for the entire Chicago team.

Team photo

This will lead to not only a victory tomorrow night, but it will be beneficial down the road as well. The guys will be so immersed in the MMORPG that they won't get enough sleep before the game if they even make it at all. As the days go by and they complete quest after quest, their physical and mental conditioning will degenerate further until Head Coach Joel Quennville cancels their accounts, leaving them looking something like this:

If the Flames do manage to beat the Hawks tomorrow night, I'll assume someone in the organization has been reading.