PST Free Hockey

To those who enjoyed my work, thanks. This experimental solo project is now joining up with another well-established blogger, The Real Dan Moser. I am moving on to bigger and better things, at PST Free Hockey. Come on over and check it out!

From bad to worse

Olli Jokinen went down last night with a lower-back injury, making him the third injured center the Flames will have going into the regular season on October 7th. He now joins Langkow and Stajan, and although they may not be undisputed #1 centers in the league, they are still without a doubt the three best centers Calgary has. This effectively means that Craig Conroy is now the team's #1 center.

Yes, that Craig Conroy. The one making $500k a year on a two-way contract, is now Calgary's #1 center heading into the regular season.

I knew it was gonna be a tough season, but I didn't think it could possibly start out like this. Luckily we have lots of defensive prospects, because defensemen are the only players that matter on a team, right boys?

Right!

Now the world is gone, I'm just ONE

My distaste for Sportsnet has always been fairly rampant and I have never had a problem voicing my displeasure. For years, Calgary Flames fans have been forced to bear their incompetent camera work, watch Nick Kypreos struggle to obtain a grasp on the English language, and listen to Peter Loubardias' absolutely dreadful play-by-play commentary. But now, somehow, the fat cats at Sportsnet have found one more way to fuck their fans:

Introducing: Sportsnet ONE!

I will try to explain the premise of this channel as best as I can. If I am not correct, I would love to have that pointed out. I seriously hope that I just don't understand what they're doing here.

Sportsnet ONE is a new channel, available on Shaw, that shows more sports than Sportsnet. Think of it as TSN 2, except (a) of inferior quality, and (b) unnecessary because Sportsnet does not hold a candle to TSN's broadcasting team, experts, panel members, basically anything that makes a sports show worth watching.

 

Nick Kypreos prepares for broadcast

Sportsnet West used to show all the Flames and Oilers games on their network. If two games were coinciding, for example, Edmonton played at 6:00pm in Edmonton while Calgary played the same night at 7:30pm in Detroit, one of the two games would be moved to PPV. This meant something like 10 games a year that, if you wanted to watch, you could through PPV. It was bullshit, but at least you didn't have to front the entire cost yourself, and there were "special features", like going inside the dressing room and other weird shit.

Made it that much easier to swallow the $15 price tag. Also, look how small Dion is...

Supposedly, there was enough of a market to require having a channel that is separate for Calgary to show their sports. According to the Flames schedule, there are eighteen Flames games this season broadcast on Sportsnet Calgary...Which still means there are 36 more games broadcast on Sportsnet West.

This means, that in order to watch these games, Flames fans are now forced to subscribe to Sportsnet ONE, so that they can get Sportsnet Calgary, even though there are still games being shown on Sportsnet West.

So many questions pop into my mind it is actually ridiculous:

1. Regional discrepancy

I live in Edmonton. If I order Sportsnet ONE, do I need to order Sportsnet Calgary? Will I be defaulted to Sportsnet Edmonton? I don't fucking want that.

Yeah, we get it.

2. Scheduling

There is one game on the Flames schedule that says Sportsnet Vancouver is broadcasting it. Will I get this channel automatically? Or will I be forced, if I wanted to watch on my TV, to subscribe to another channel for this game?

3. Replacement

Now that Sportsnet West has finally freed up its incredibly busy schedule, what is going to go in place of televised hockey broadcasts? I do not recall ever watching anything of merit on that channel other than hockey games. Not even highlight packages.

Holy fuck. This is Sportsnet's schedule.

This is absurd. At least with PPV you could go to a bar and watch, or have a group of friends over to chip a couple bucks each. Now you need an entire fucking channel. Absolutely obnoxious.

The Wizard of HNIC

I could while away the hours, conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain.
And my head I'd be scratchin' while
my thoughts were busy hatchin'

If I only had a brain. 

 

When a man's an empty kettle he should be on his mettle,
And yet I'm torn apart.
Just because I'm presumin' that I could be kind-a-human,
If I only had heart.

 

 

 Yeh, it's sad, believe me, Missy,
When you're born to be a sissy
Without the vim and verve.
But I could show my prowess, be a lion not a mou-ess
If I only had the nerve.

 

 My browser sucks ass so I didn't even get a chance to watch that last video. But trust me Kevin Weekes sucks at interviews.

Haikus

Head coach Brent Sutter

Coaches his teams: "defense first!"

Goals will come later

Ales Kotalik

Headline: "A BROKEN PLAYER"

3mil for two years

Raitis Ivanans

31 year old fighter

What the fuck, Sutter?

Miikka Kiprusoff

Do not bow to false idols

He's the one true God

Flaming horse logo

Let's try to forget that time

Year of the Cowboy

Tampa Bay Lightning

Their alumni now include

Sarich and Feaster

Assistant GM

Will miss $5 footlongs

Only in the States

Olli Jokinen

"Is your cat doing singing?"

Scapegoat for last year

Outdoor hockey threads

Designed by Helen Keller

I will still buy one..

Pengrowth Saddledome

Fire shoots out of the roof

Only when they score

2010 Flames

One last shot at redemption

Otherwise, rebuild

Costanza?

For anyone who doesn't follow the Oilers (which is hard to do because all I read anywhere is about how young and exciting they are), the man pictured above is Sheldon Souray.

When big ol' Chris Pronger left Edmonton for greener pastures (as well as two more Stanley Cup finals) in 2006, the Oilers felt the need to replace his physical presence on the blue line. Free agent Sheldon Souray was available, the Oilers acted quickly, and they signed Souray to a big money deal for five years. Souray insisted that he wear #44, probably as an homage to his fallen hero Pronger, and the Oilers let him.

Everything was going quite swimmingly, until last season when the Oilers got wasted and peed themselves that night, waking up in the urine-soaked hellhole that is Edmonton. After missing much of the season due to a hand injury caused by Jarome Iginla, Souray was pretty pissed off with the Oilers in general, going as far as shit-talking them and then demanding a trade.

Fast forward to the last couple of days. Souray shows up at Oilers training camp and the media wants to know whats going on with him and management:

"Things that I said, that's five months ago," Souray told TSN.  "We are in a completely different spot now and there is a lot of optimism...It's not awkward at all for me," Souray said.  "I just stated some of the facts that I was feeling at the time and that's it.  To come back and see the guys is actually a positive thing.  Once you kind of get around that camaraderie with the guys that I haven't been around since January of last year, it just picks up your spirits."

 

Does NOBODY think this is hilarious? This is exactly what George Costanza tried to do in the Seinfeld episode "The Revenge", when he quits his job and then comes to work the next day like nothing happened (embedding disabled by request--> fuck off).

Artist's rendition of Souray's earlier interviews RE: Oilers management

Presenting: The most awkward video of all time

"So...you're back!"

And with that, Olli Jokinen is quickly becoming my new favorite Flame.