Friday, March 26, 2010

The end of the line; Flames lose


Congratulations to San Jose and Chicago for clinching playoff berths last night. Same old story. Flames needed to win and didn't. Calgary can earn a maximum of 16 points to finish with 99 on the season. Detroit can earn a possible 18 points and finish with 105. So safe to say, Detroit needs about 10 more points to put them at 97 and clinch the 8th seed in the Western Conference. Those ten points can come in a combination of Detroit wins, Calgary losses, or a combination of the two.

Ten points is about five wins. Let's look at who Detroit plays in their last nine games of the season, and see if its reasonable to get five wins: Minnesota, Nashville, Edmonton, Columbus, Nashville, Philly, Columbus, Columbus, Chicago. Detroit plays Edmonton and Columbus four times total. They might lose one of those games. There's three wins for six points. At the same time, lets see who the Flames play and their expected outcomes: Boston, Washington, Phoenix, Colorado, Chicago, San Jose, Minnesota, Vancouver. Every single team except for Minnesota is in the playoffs right now.


Start the five stages of grief now, cause this ain't happenin'. I'm past denial (around January), anger (February), bargaining (March), and straight into depression. I guess acceptance will have to wait until Calgary goes to the draft without a first, second, or third round pick. Meanwhile, this blog might end up being less about hockey and more about shit that I notice. Like how Metallica managed the scam the world for 20yrs. I'll write something about that later.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Gameday March 25 @ NYI

Team photo 09/10


Detroit keeps winning, and even though they have the same number of wins as Calgary, its the OTLs that give them four more points on the 8th spot in the conference.


I always hated Dwayne Roloson, even when he was on the Flames. I remember when the tandem was Roli and Rick Tabaracci. I always wanted Tab to start when I was a kid, because his name was way more fun to say and my name was basically Rick. Anyways, because I hate the Oilers, and because I hate Roloson, I will never forget where I was when the above picture was taken.

That of course was in game one of the 2005-2006 Stanley Cup Finals, when Dwayne Roloson, who was literally ready to stop any shot sent at him those playoffs, was crippled by his own teammate. That was absolutely what cost Edmonton the cup that year, and it also made a southern city in Alberta the world's best Carolina Hurricanes fans.


Now, Dwayne Roloson is an Islander. The Oiler's who once coveted his services for three years turned their backs on him this summer, deciding to sign another 35 year old with a drinking problem in Khabibulin. And they are paying for it. Roloson's stats on the Islanders, the team with the worst record in the league last year, are dec. He is 22-17-6 with a .910 save%. Not too shabby, and I was surprised he wasn't moved at the deadline. I guess that's what happens when your General Manager is your ex-backup goaltender, but at this point who am I to make fun of another team's GM...

The Flames are not going to make the playoffs, but if you want a reason to watch the game, think about this: these last nine games are basically auditions for next year, which gives everyone something to play for. Plus its fun watching Roloson lose his temper.




Monday, March 22, 2010

Day old hate; Flames lose


Daymond Langkow is a fucking warrior and one of my favorite Flames to date. I almost bought his jersey a couple years ago, but instead spend all my money on vodka and other important things (like scotch). But he took a puck to the back of his neck yesterday, and that fucking sucks. The story is on the link, and the video is right here:


My computer is a piece of shit and won't post the picture of the Western Conference standings I had, but trust me when I say that the Flames are in rough shape (still). Detroit is two points up with one game in hand, but they play Pittsburgh in Detroit tonight.


I cheered for the Penguins all of last year's playoffs and I will be screaming for them to win tonight.

If my internet wasn't a piece of garbage I'd write something about Phoenix right now but maybe it will be better tomorrow.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Gameday March 21 @ MIN

Bring your weak-ass shit


I walked out of that movie because I did not think it was funny at all. I still am not really impressed with it. But because I am a whore for easy references, I'm using it to convey the message to the reader that the game today is at 1:00pm or 1300hrs if you are on military time (like me).

Vancouver managed to fuck up beating Detroit last night, not the first such time:

Calgary needs this win to keep pace with the big red machine.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Stagnation; Flames win

I woke up this morning and didn't know what the fuck happened last night. This is the result going to the campus bar at 5:00, then drinking a bottle of wine. One thing's for sure, though.

The Flames are tied with Detroit, who gets to be in eighth because they have played less games. Detroit plays Vancouver tonight. I hope this is the last time I ever have to say, LETS GO CANUCKS!!!!

Fuck what a lame franchise

That is such a weak song to play when you win a game. Calgary has the better song, but Vancouver has the division right now. So take your pick.
And it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire

Everyone in the world should watch this next video. Its probably too big to watch on this fuckin' blog website but just click it to get to youtube:

Friday, March 19, 2010

Gameday March 19 vs SJS


The Sharks are in town to play the Flames, but more importantly they are coming to Edmonton after that to play the Oilers. What's so important about that you may ask? Loyal readers its now time to share with you the story of the time I met Joe Thornton.



I have been a fan of the Sharks since 03/04 (as in, before it was cool). I still remember the day that Jumbo Joe went to San Jose from Boston. Want to know how big of a fan I was? I was worried that Marco Sturm and Brad Stuart would end up being worth more than him (HA). Anyways, my story begins in a university residence building...

If you live in a residence and you are social at all, by that I mean you at the very least watch some TV in the common room and brush your teeth every night (a good way to meet the boys), then by the time second semester rolls around you know your fair share of people in the building. As for me, I was quite social (drank to excess 2+ nights a week), and I was a second year in the building. So by the time second semester of second year rolled around, I knew quite a few people in the building.


Ah yes, the Ranch. Former home of dollar hi-balls on Wednesday. Needless to say, if you brought about $20 for drinks and a ride home, you could get yourself proper fucked on a Wednesday night. Anyways, I am not a frequenter of bars. The scene is not for me, you have to dress up and pretend to dance with girls, and the bartenders never serve you more than seven shots at a time (as Keiren George can attest to). But on one night the stars aligned in January 2009, I was in a position where I would know everybody at the bar (because of residence), and hell I wasn't doing anything better so we decided to go to the Ranch for this drink special.
 Affliction? Christ.

We pre-game pretty  hard for the Ranch, show up, get a million hi-balls for dirt cheap, and have one hell of a night. It was actually the best time I've had at a bar, a good atmosphere where everyone knew everyone, it was sweet. The night was coming to a close and I was wasted walking out the door. It was at that point that my friend Matt Van Roijen ran up to me before I left the bar and we shared an exchange:

MVR: Dick, did you see who's here?
Me: Huh? Whuzzat?
MVR: Dude, the Sharks are here! The San Jose Sharks!

At this time he pointed towards the lineup at the door where I witnessed first-hand Jeremy Roenick running to the front of the line, looking at the girl taking cover, and saying "I'm a hockey player".


I ran back into the bar to see who else was there. I for sure saw Ryan Clowe and maybe one other dude, but like Abu the monkey when he saw the forbidden treasure in the Cave of Wonders, I saw my own forbidden treasure: Joe Fucking Thornton.


It was Jumbo Joe himself, there was no doubt about it. I would have recognized those sideburns even with a couple more drinks in me. Joe was surrounded by a bunch of people at this time, and had I been more sober I might have walked away. But nothing was going to stop me that night from meeting the best player on the Sharks. I tried to weasel my way into the crowd but made little progress. Blinded by one of my hockey heroes, all I could do was turn to the guy next to me:

Me: Dude...that's Joe Thornton!
Some guy: Uh...yea, it is...

I was intrigued at his lack of enthusiasm at first, but I assumed he wasn't a hockey fan. The guy then looked at me confused, turned to Joe, and got his attention for me. It was at this point that I got to shake hands with Joe Thornton and probably make an ass of myself. I don't remember it totally but I said some shit like "I love the Sharks man", and "I dig your work bro!". I left the Ranch that night on the highest of highs; I actually was so jacked that I tried to slide down a staircase banister and fell off and hurt my back pretty good.


I awoke the next morning still so excited that the Sharks went to the same POS bar as me, and that I met Joe Thornton and got to shake his hand. The first person I ran into was Matt:

MVR: Dude...do you remember what you did last night?
Me: Of course man, I saw the San Jose Sharks! And I met Joe Thornton!
MVR: Man, do you know who you said "that's Joe Thornton" to?
Me: What? No, who?


Patrick Marleau. Just the captain (at the time) of the Sharks. I informed Patrick Marleau that he was, indeed, sitting next to Joe Thornton. Just in case he didn't realize it himself. I then went on to explain how much I loved the Sharks. Fuck, it is exhausting being me. Game tonight at 7:00pm.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Rene Wolfcastle; Flames win

Artist rendition of Rene Bourque's second goal Wednesday night @ COL

The Flames came into Colorado last night and were able to walk out with a huge win, but saying that has sort of lost its value at this point in the season. Remember January? I try to forget about it too; it was the month when Calgary lost nine games in a row, forgot how to score, and more or less forgot how to play in general. Out of those nine games, imagine if the Flames had even won less than half of them. Let's say they beat Columbus, Anaheim, Dallas, and St. Louis instead of losing to all of those teams (technically Columbus was before the stretch, but fuck off). That would have netted them an extra six points (because they lost to Dallas and St. Louis in OT). Those six points would have gone miles now.


Calgary is now one point back of Detroit, who has a game in hand on the Flames. Detroit is chilling out in Kelowna right now, which should probably be a nice break for the big red machine. Alas, just when you think that the Flames might have some positive momentum going on their side, one look at who they play next rips your heart out of your chest while Goliath steps on it.


Highlights from the 9-1 loss earlier in January:


Meanwhile, who does Detroit have to play next?

Here's some footage from Oilers' practice:

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Gameday March 17 @ COL


Road warriors

The Flames traveled the most miles in the NHL this year, I forget where I read it but Google it if you actually don't believe me. I thought this would have more of an impact on their away record than their home one but the opposite is actually true. The Flames are barely over .500 at home this year (17-16-3), while they are are a dominating force on the road (17-10-6). Historically, the opposite is true as well. In 08-09 the Flames finished 19-20-2 on the road while winning 27 home games, and it was even worse in 06-07 for anyone who can remember back that far. That year the Flames won a measly 13 games on the road while winning 30 at home.
Honestly I don't know how to account for this, it might just be an anomaly. Brent Sutter coached the Devils before this. The Devils are not exactly a team that has to move around a lot, even when they are on the road.


Most of the NHL teams in the Eastern Conference, as you can see, are situated off the Atlantic Coast. This could not account for Sutter being used to long road trips and knowing how to prepare a team for them.

Either way, that's the way she goes and the Flames have the majority of their games on the road at this point. It's a weird thing to be happy about, but when you sit three points out of a playoff spot with no first-round draft pick, you try to find hope wherever you can. Flames in Colorado tonight; the only thing they can hope for is that Colorado got tired flying out to St. Louis to have to play a game in Denver tonight.

Intervention!

If you're like me and not going out for St. Patrick's Day because you have a nutrition midterm tonight at 7:00pm (sweet), just do what I'm doing and throw on some Always Sunny. At least they run an Irish pub in the show.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Disposable heroes; Flames lose

Douchebag


The Flames now sit three points back of Detroit, who doesn't look to be slowing down anytime soon, for the final playoff seed in the Western Conference. The situation might not look so bad at first, but all you have to do is look at the remaining games for each team down the stretch. Calgary has to play San Jose twice, Chicago, Washington, Colorado twice (one this Wednesday on TSN), and Vancouver. Those are teams that either lead their conferences or divisions, although Colorado is five points back of Vancouver. Bad times. Detroit on the other hand gets to play the Oilers twice and the Blue Jackets three times.


Next up, the Predators don't have a very tough schedule ahead of them, highlighted by three games against St. Louis. But still, stranger things have happened, and if there was a team to fall out of the race at this point it could very well be Nashville.

So many things have to go right for the Flames to make the dance. The chances are now down to around 20% , which only makes things look bleaker. But hey, at least we'll have Staios and Kotalik signed for next season...but I guess things could be worse.


If nothing else, be thankful there is still some stability in net.

Monday, March 15, 2010

MIA

Well if anyone bothers to check this site (hi mom) then you'll have noticed there have been no updates since March 4th, and the reason doesn't really matter but to sum it up I missed a couple days due to hangover-related injuries, during which the Flames won two games in a row.

For those of you who know me, I enjoy the act of gambling. One of the most important rules that I follow is one that I can clearly lay out: never fuck with a winning streak. That means if you've won a couple big hands or made a couple rolls or whatever in a row, you don't let the guy who has been creeping around the table come sit down with you, fucking up the order of the cards or changing the general atmosphere. Superstitious? Yes. Like I give a fuck? Not so much.

I've missed writing for the past eleven days, to the point where I've had to do most of my creative outbursts through notes on Facebook. In all honesty I could have updated but I hate to stop a good thing (Flames winning) and I really don't think anyone reads this anyways. But its good to be back.


I only caught the first period because we had a JHL playoff game (where we came back from a 2-0 deficit to win 3-2 I might add YEEEAH) and that was the definition of a total fucking disaster. Apparently the Canucks had something like 20 shots on goal in that period, which is extremely unacceptable. I saw Kipper got pulled, seemed like a reasonable thing to do even though I personally thought his defence around him (especially Staios (I get the feeling I'm going to be saying that a lot)) sewered him.

Bambi's dead

Flames go tonight on TSN in Calgary against Detroit @ 7:00pm. If they don't make the playoffs, I'll be thankful for the very least that these games down the stretch meant something. This is basically like watching a playoff game in terms of importance...Well there's really no way to justify that statement but gimmie a break I've been gone for a while.
I know the economy is bad but there's really no excusing this

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Full-time fans

When I was in highschool, I watched hockey pretty closely. I used to have conversations with some kids who said that they loved hockey and the Flames, but whenever they got engaged in conversation it became clear these kids didn't know what the fuck they were talking about. I like to surround myself with good people, and so it came to be in a Physics 20 classroom that the full-time fans were established.


These were the boys who I knew I could talk hockey with anytime. I still see them from time to time, but things aren't like they used to be in highschool. Different cities, university, etc. But last night, I got a message on Facebook from one of the dudes. It just got me thinking about how much fun I used to have watching the Flames. Case in point? My Tony Amonte group on Facebook. I used to love watching that team and those guys go out on the ice and battle hard.

The Flames fucking suck. It is so hard to go from watching Olympic hockey to the game they played last night. Between the fucked up trades and the general lack of guts these players have, my patience is wearing pretty thin. I think I have discovered the reason for the poor performances though:

I'll take full responsibility for the failures of the Flames this season. I didn't really watch the game last night due to $12 pitchers so that is likely why this post is incoherent and lacking any flow whatsoever. God damn, did I miss Loubardias though. Seriously, when I watched the Flames throughout all of highschool on Sportsnet West, Roger Millions did the play-by-play and he was fucking fantastic. Now he does the pre-game shit on the ice before puck drop. Is that a promotion or a demotion? Because if he got demoted, I want to know what for. I know it wasn't for the cocksucker thing because that happened last year when we got our first taste of Sweet Lou.

In case you still give a fuck, the Flames play again on Friday against the Devils in Calgary. They have 69 points and 19 games left, which means they can earn a maximum of 38 more points. I've said before that 96pts is supposed to be the magic number to make it in the Western Conference. They need to win 14 of their remaining 19 games to get those points. Golf Flames Golf!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Trade deadline extravaganza

If you're fucked off at Sutter and the rest of the Flames organization after today, take a number and wait in line.


This is Clint Eastwood. He starred in a movie called "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly". The same can be said about the moves the Flames made on deadline day.

The Good: CuMac to Anaheim for Vesa Toskala.


Darryl Sutter has a sick fascination with old Maple Leafs for some reason, and this is just further proof. When I heard that CuMac was headed out of town, I held hands with Sam Gratton anxiously awaiting what backup we were going to get. It was the gayest thing I did all day and I don't regret it one bit.

When you search "toskala" on youtube, the auto-complete suggestions are hilarious:


That is actually the funniest thing I've seen all day. The first suggestion is to look up a bad goal, then 197 foot goal, then funny. And here's the best part: he is going to be WAY better than CuMac!

I tried to do a search for CuMac on youtube, but I failed miserably at spelling his last name. The search engine picked up the Curtis part though, and the end result is brilliant:

So long, King Curtis

The Bad: Dustin Boyd to Nashville for a 4th-round pick. I'm probably only chapped about this because I always thought Boyd sort of looked like my brother.

But really was he not worth more than a 4th-round pick? I thought this was a guy who the organization coveted at one time.

The Ugly: Aaron Johnson to Edmonton for Steve Staios. How...how do you possibly explain this move?
Awkward

Johnson doesn't play at all for Calgary and he is UFA at the end of the season. Staios has another year on his contract for $2.2 million. The only way I could explain this is that he is going to replace Cory Sarich when he leaves for free agency this summer. Maybe that was justification enough? Still, I don't want no fuckin' Oiler on my team. EDIT: Cory Sarich still has two seasons on his contract. WHAT THE FUCK.

Well there is a game for Calgary against Minnesota tonight at 8:00pm. Won't see any of the new faces probably, but this game is big. I really can't focus on the game even. I'm just wondering what the fuck is going to happen to Darryl Sutter if the club doesn't make the playoffs.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Potential trade targets

Last night I had a dream that I was the GM of the Calgary Flames. I also dreamed that at one point I was on Celebrity Jeopardy, and that Pierre McGuire was interviewing me about something. Needless to say, it was pretty fucked.


Now that the cosmics have considered me to be the best suitable replacement for GM, I thought it might be worthwhile to check out some potential trade targets for the Flames. The first step is identifying what the team needs. Darryl Sutter for some reason might think otherwise, but it is not depth players. We have plenty. Please stop acquiring them. Likewise, it is not defencemen either. Between Jbouw, Reggie, Gio, and White, we are perfectly fine. Pardy and Sarich aside, of course, but still those guys aren't even that bad I just have a hard time watching them.

So, Calgary's two main needs: a first-line scorer (at this point not necessarily a center even) and a backup goalie. I'll start with the former.

1. Paul Kariya
I had to use this picture when it came up

Kariya is a UFA next season and he is playing with the Blues who are in 12th place, five points back of a playoff spot. This might be a guy who they would be willing to let go for the right price. Perhaps an onslaught of depth players...we have a few of those if I haven't mentioned it yet. Iginla and Kariya were on the same 2002 Gold Medal winning team in Salt Lake City, for whatever that's worth.

2. Slava Kozlov

Probably the only reason I know this guy is because I had him in my hockey pool a couple years ago. Now that I think about it I did really bad in that one. I'm pretty sure he's been scratched for the last few games in Atlanta but if you played for the Thrashers you wouldn't give a fuck either. Its hard to tell where to stand on this guy. 80pts one season, then 41, then 76, and now 24 (in 52 games). I think that for the right price he could be useful.

3. Saku Koivu

A couple things come to mind when you look at Koivu. Firstly, he is on the Ducks, who by no means are out of a playoff spot yet (three points back of eighth). So the asking price might be hefty. Also, he chose to sign in Anaheim this summer after playing his entire career in Montreal. He probably doesn't want to run back to a Canadian city, especially one that just drove Dion Phaneuf out of town and one that isn't guaranteed a long playoff run/a spot at all. He is still useful I believe with 33pts in 53 games.

There are other people like Ray Whitney, Mike Modano, Jeff Halpern, and Doug Weight who might be worth mentioning but fuck it. Onto the backup goalies.

At the beginning of the season Brent Sutter said that part of the reason we fucked it up so hard in the playoffs was because Kiprusoff's workload was getting to be too much and that he would get lots of rest this season. Enter the backup netminder, CuMac.

He has proved himself more than incapable of being a competent NHL goalie at this point so let's take a quick look at some realistic backup options. Keep in mind that even if the Flames get a backup, it is still likely going to be Kiprusoff who does most of the heavy mucking down the stretch.

1. Dan Ellis

This is not because Nashville is giving up on the playoffs. They are doing decently sitting in seventh place, a couple points ahead of the Flames. This could be a trade that happens because the Predators just signed Pekka Rinne, their other goalie, to a contract extension after the Olympic break. Of course, one reason why Ellis wouldn't make it to Calgary is that the Flames are fighting for a playoff spot with the Predators. This of course could pull the asking price way up.

2. Martin Biron

Martin Biron plays for the New York Islanders and he is having a terrible season. 4-11-2 with a .889 save% and 3.24 GAA are not numbers that your parents hang up on the fridge. But, his trade value is low, and he is probably still a better option than CuMac, which is what we are trying to get here. He also has bright blue eyes that can pierce straight through your soul.
These eyes have seenalota things but they've never seen a backup like you

3. Johan Hedberg

Don Waddell, the GM of the Thrashers, recently said that his team was looking to be buyers at the trade deadline. Only problem is that before that he traded the captain and best player on his team, Ilya Kovalchuk, to another team in the conference. So I'm gonna go ahead and ignore him. Johan Hedberg would fit as a goalie for the Flames. He also doesn't really fit in Atlanta as its pretty clear that Ondrej Pavelic is going to be the starter for that franchise. Hedberg is 14-9-5 this season with a .916 save% and a 2.56GAA.

Realistically Sutter won't end up doing anything at the deadline and the Flames won't make the playoffs. Let's not kid ourselves here. Still, I'll be glued to the TV tomorrow.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Back to reality


Also the official song of any Oilers fan you argue about hockey with

Well that was fun. Couldn't have gone down any other way than how it did last night. And to think, us Flames fans really got it all. Iginla gets the assist to Sid, and the whole game (tournament really) Luongo did not look like he was a superstar.
 

There is a big clunky rocking chair that sits in the front room of our house that doesn't really serve much of a purpose. It's not very comfortable and it takes up a lot of room in general. The only time its used is when we have too many guys over and someone gets fucked over and has to sit there. When Luongo did not catch the puck at the end of the third which eventually led to the tying goal by the Americans, I was seconds away from putting that chair through the front window. I decided to calm myself down and wait until the outcome of overtime though.


Did anybody else notice Iginla and Crosby becoming pretty good chums throughout this tournament? In three years Iggy is UFA. He will be at the ripe age of 34. If he doesn't win a cup in Calgary by then, you think there is a chance he will end up in Pittsburgh, playing with Sidney Crosby in his prime (scary to think about), for the chance to hoist the cup? I wouldn't be too surprised.

But now, back to the watching the Flames. This is not going to be an easy transition. When your fourth line is Morrow-Perry-Getzlaf for the last two weeks its not simple to go back to Mayers-McGrattan-Whatever. The Flames don't play until Wednesday in Calgary against Minnesota which means there will not be a chance for Darryl Sutter to show off his pieces until the trade deadline. Is anything even going to happen at this trade deadline? Kovalchuk is already gone. I guess it wouldn't be impossible to see someone like Paul Kariya, Saku Koivu, Alex Tanguay, or Owen Nolan get moved. I'd love to get Nolan back personally. That guy was gritty as fuck.

Either way, I know where I'll be Wednesday, and it sure as shit won't be in an econ classroom.